I’ve been thinking lately and I want to start making a change or a difference somewhere and somehow; because I’m fed up with all these gorgeous girls asking me what they can do to get rid of this fat, and “oh does this skinny tea detox work?” I smile and nod, but what really want to do is tell them to shut it. Yup, brutal.
Maybe I’m feeling sensitive at the moment?
Anyways, this is not a negative post- if anything, this is a kick ass post about how I exterminated my life of emotional eating. I should start by saying that because of my eating issues, I will always live with these in someway- I’m just hoping that way stays insignificant.
I’ve blogged before about the many different stages of my eating issues, but here’s a quick recap:
▪ I started my journey as a chubby happy girl who ate whatever and drank whatever I wanted with minimal exercise. I decided to change things and began losing weight thanks to exercise and sensible eating.
▪ The perfectionist in me came out- I restricted, calorie counted and was oh so hard on myself. I got too skinny and became unhealthy. I loved it and wanted more. It took over my life and put ALOT of strain on all my relationships.
▪ I did a half ass attempt at fixing things but became stuck on a number and nothing would change. I was in limbo.
▪ Suddenly I lost all control and started regularly bingeing and emotional eating due to a sickly combination of dealing with negative feelings, hating myself and a super hungry body that wanted more food. I started taking St John’s Wort (and still do), saw a therapist, gained weight, felt really devastated a lot of the time, spent days on end crying, took laxatives.
▪ Only then when I started to overeat (I was fine with undereating but overeating was something I couldn’t live with apparently) did I really commit to getting rid of it all.
▪ A long journey- I grew confidence, I grew bigger (healthier!), I moved away from my ED and I still occasionally binged- but I learned to accept it and move on. * A big turning point was accepting binges and moving on*.
That brings us to now.
I haven’t binged in forever- my first day home after hardly eating disgusting plane food (anyone else hate it?) I overate because I was so hungry- but it was no biggy. I even went through a stage of losing my appetite and finding food possibly the most boring thing ever (I think that was a combo of my body adapting to a schedule after break and anxiety/stress of everything). Right at this very moment, I still get stressed (I mean I am moving house, becoming independent, graduating from/finishing my education degree, becoming a certified PT, dealing with constant injuries and teaching a bazillion classes) but food is no longer my answer. It’s not the solution to anything. I love food and always will be a ‘foodie’. I hardly get cravings oddly (except milk lately!) and I love everything I eat.
I don’t think people are judging me less (if they ever were?), but I’m judging myself less. I’m not cured (if that’s even the right word for it)…because well I can’t even get on the scale yet, but I’m not suffering emotional eating. This is just one feat- to be honest I don’t really eat fun food but I don’t ever really feel like it; or when I do, laziness usually wins. Would I be okay with eating fun food? Well I’d like to think so but who knows. Maybe that’s my next feat? Total acceptance of all food?
But if I can conquer emotional eating I know I can work on other aspects of my eating issues; and hey, you can too! If you have any queries please feel free to comment below.
What are your thoughts?
▪ What have you recently conquered?
▪ Do you have issues with emotional eating?
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